Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Late night Ina worries.

Oh my love,
 I have so many posts to catch up on your sweet little life here, but this one is burning, so I have to air this one, for me.
You talked today again, of wanting to go to school. We will not be leaving here until next june. My immediate gut reaction to you going to  school here, is not a good one. My gut tightens, my heart races.  I. DO. NOT. LIKE. THESE. SCHOOLS.  I sent you to one preschool and the woman DID not embrace, honor or recognize your sacredness, in fact she manhandled you and tried to train you like all her other little monkeys.
You, my love, ARE NOT a monkey. You are my heart.  You are Joy, perfection, personified.
I do not want you trained. I do not want them making, leading you, training you to stop listening to yourself and start listening to outside resources, people, things, to make decisions about you and your life.
  I know, I have messed up as your Ina, but I'm trying to fix it. I've made you feel as if you have to change your answers to fit my happiness.  I hate that about me, and I beat myself up for it everyday. I can only sleep talk it away, and hope and pray that your heart heals and returns to its regular, unbruised state.
  But back to the school thing. I am really not comfortable with you going to this school. any of these schools. I want you to remain your organic self. When we move to MT, I will be willing to let you try school, because they have discovery schools there, they have Montessori schools there, they have just about any kind of school you could imagine. But not here, here, it's all meat and potatoes, no variety.  They want you to get in your box, and stay there. And if I wanted a box dweller, i'd have bought us a doll; not cared for and labored and rallied for a precious, living, breathing sacred soul.  I have heard of far too many kindergarten and first graders who bear scars from their school experience.
    You, are like me, an empath, a sensitive soul, and I dont want anyone trampling on that. I"d have to go all momma bear on them.  What too many parents realize, retro actively, is that some scars cannot be erased, simply healed, but they will always be there. I DON'T want that for you.  Its my/our job to keep you intact.
  I love you more than ANYTHING in this world, and I want you safe, healhty, and happy.
I have more to say on this, but you are rustling, you'll be calling for me soon, so I need to go.

love you lots beautiful, sacred Turtle.

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