Tuesday, July 6, 2010

what I've been up to...

It has been a good summer thus far. Though, I was out for about a week with a severely sprained ankle, I am, however on the mend. Not 100 % but much better than I was.

This weekend, has been fabulous and write worthy. I'm fond of the fourth weekend, not because I believe in celebrating a questionable wasicu holiday, but because it means that Mihigna is home for a three long days!
  And on this holiday, we went camping, to the beach, hung out at home and spent some quality family time together. It was time that included a water gun fight, water balloon wars and general water mayhem that left us all soaking wet and me laughing so hard I got a cramp in my sternum! 

  Cunksi had her first camping, official, camping trip. She LOVED it!!! I started off crabby because of the difficulty in finding a place due to, the holiday weekend and all the damn RVs.  I am not an RV fan, I'm really not. and I feel like this particular place we go to should have the tent sites and the RV sites separate.

But we finally found  nice little place between two RVs and squeezed in with our tent. It was bonus because it was in a cove, so just over the hill was our own little beach!
I LOVE tent camping, and probably always will. Give me a sturdy tent and a floor mat, or air mattress, and I"m good to go.

Well, that would be this grownups downside to the camping experience.  I was in such a hurry to get there, that I threw the mere basics in and nothing else. So, we had blankets, and food, but no plates, not adequate water for each of us, no silverware, no warm clothes for mihigna nor I. Cunksi, on the other hand, had enough clothing provisions to go to the Arctic circle and not be cold; well okay, maybe not the Arctic circle. So, her warmth was the most important. And believe me, she was warm and happy as a bear cub!!

A storm blew in, which was fun to watch all the lightweight campers run in fear to their RVs, lest they get hit with a raindrop!  We sat in the van, only because we had just returned from the store when the storm hit, cunksi watched part of  a movie, it blew over in 30 minutes and we were back out at the fire, making smores and having fun!
Well, while the Storm blew over, the rain stayed behind and soaked me, so I went to bed wet. and I couldnt' sleep. So while Cunksi and mihigna snored away beside me, I lay there, waiting for dawn and wanting to go home. Dawn came, cunksi woke up, thrilled to have camped out, we packed up and went to town for pancakes and coffee. Ahhh.
Next time, I will be better prepared.

 Now usually on the fourth of July weekend, we are out at the wacipi grounds, dancing away. But not this year. With my bad ankle, I decided to stay home. We were, however, going to go to the fireworks. But I had gone inside to rest for a bit and turtle and I started watching Fur: the imaginary portrait of Dian Arbus. (I LOOOOOVVVVEEE Dian Arbus' work!! ) So we were caught up in that and before we knew it, it was time for fireworks!
Because we live up here on the hill, we get a 360 * view of everyone's fireworks! So we  watched a bit of the towns fireworks and I wanted to shoot the casino's fireworks show, so we decided to hop in the car so I could get a closer view. Well, five seconds into it, cunksi was asleep!  We missed the show, but had a nice drive and a good talk.

Now, as Tuesday morning dawns, sunny and humid but gorgeous, and Mihigna ki heads back to work, I'm a bit clearer on some things. One: I need to chill the hell out. I get too wrapped up in stupid stuff that only stresses people around me out. Two: I need to get back to working out regularly again or doing Yoga. I'm incredibly out of shape and that leads to my crabbiness. Three: I need to get back to eating as much raw food as possible. My body is so sensitive to junk and sugar etc, when I eat that, it's the gateway to mood hell for me and it starts a unhealthy cycle that is self perpetuating. Four: I need to chilax and get back to my gut self.

These last two years, I have not been as in tune with my gut as I should have been, I've been looking to others to validate what I needed as a parent, because of my fears of screwing up.  No one has the right answers for ME, for US, for HER; except the three of us, all together. I need to remember, if it feels right in my gut, it will be okay.

One thing that has been crystal clear these last two years is: what's normal to everyone else, is far from OUR Normal. and Just because people do it, or accept it, doesn't make it right for US. But what I have had to learn is, that is okay for THEM. I have to let it go, I can't sit and worry about the other little souls, and wonder if they are okay. I have to just know that everyone, chooses their own metaphysical path, and so all is as it should be, no matter who you are.

That, is the hardest for me. Because when I look at people, especially children, I SEE them. I look at their eyes, I look at the whole of them, to see, are they being taken care of, completely. Are their needs being met, not just their physical needs.  And it's hard, it's really hard, because i can see it, in so many of  their eyes, can feel it radiating off of them.

And I look forward to our move, I look forward to being in a community that truly is like minded in all ways, not just a few. I look forward to her being able to socialize with other children who have been raised the way she has, I am thrilled for her to go to those schools, where she will be learning as a whole being, not just a butt in a chair, who is a number on a statistics sheet.

I'm excited for our future. Again. Life is nothing if not ever changing. And while these times have been challenging, I have learned more about myself, cunksi, mihigna ki, than I ever would have if we'd have just stayed where we were, cozy and safe.

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