Friday, February 12, 2010

here I go, feeling again....

I may have posted about this at some point previously, but I'm doing it again.

     I see that they have made a new We are the World, for Haiti. It's different than the original, which is ok, it's a different time, a different bunch of people and a different cause.
      I was small when Micheal Jackson's came out, and now I find out that it wasn't really "his" but i thought it was. Anyway, as I've mentioned here before, I'm very much an empath, so being such a youngster, and hearing this song, rocked my world, impacting me in such a way that would go on to leave me open to be affected by so many other occurances like this.  It stirred the same response in me, that I had when I learned about the statue of liberty, (she then became my hero.More on that later.)  That was the fact, that when people gather together with the same cause, the same mindset, the same ulterior motive, they become one heart, and in doing so change the world.
    It was through that video that i learned of and became fond of, many of the artists who partook in the making of that song/video.  I dont' know if the Band Aid song came before or after WATH, but it also moved me to tears... and still does. and then Micheal jackson wrote man in the mirror... tears, tears, tears. 

    But it was these small things that made me know of the great tragedy in the world beyond my house walls; and made me feel that I had to do what I could to make a difference in whatever way I could.  The Man in the Mirror video is what made me declare at the tender age of 13, that when I grew up I was going to join the peace cor, travel to Ethiopia and help end world hunger.
  The great thing about that video is what MJ did so perfectly all the time.  He showed some of the worst parts of humanity, and placed them next to a some of our greatest victories.  And he didn't say: "YOU suck, YOU did this.." he said, "I, I need to do this."
Which, as anyone knows who is on their way to self acualtization, is the best way to make a change.

And with age, comes wisdom.
After I found and returned to my birth family I was very angry at my adoptive family for taking me from what I felt was my birthright. I was jealous that I had missed out on so much of my culture that i would have grown up with. I felt I had been cheated in the worst way.  But, now as I'm older, I see the advantages in having to walk in both worlds.  I would not be able to have the input, the knowledge, the viewpoints of both sides, had I not be able to have feet in both.  The white world gave me my love of books and the English language, which gave me a solid foundation that I now use to  focus on and incorporate my native language.  For every bullet point of my white upbringing, that I used to view as a negative, I now see as a positive.

If I had not grown up in the world I did, would I have such a strong grasp or obsessive love for reading and writing? I don't know. Would I have been able to be as strong of a critical thinker as I am? I don't know.
This is what I do know. I have the basis of a strong foundation that was provided by the white world, gifts that I was able to wrap up in the fibers of my being which now allow me to traverse and understand both the white world and the Lakota world much clearer. My experiences growing up, as hellish as they were, helped develop (I think) me into the incredible empath that I am; because I know how it feels to be treated horribly, and I would never want to intentionally do that to another person.  That very same feeling/reaction is why I will never be able to turn my back on someone who needs help, in whatever form. One of, the lessons I learned from growing up in an abusive cruel home was that everyone is human. Everyone.  And some times, people are really shitty humans; but that is more about them, than anything.

There is more to add.. but I have to run.
My point in all of this, is that our humanity is excellent at singing and dancing and whatever when someone needs help... but you juxtapose that against how horribly some people treated michal jackson, and there is the flipside of humanity.  The ugliness that comes out when someone doens't fit in the box that someone somewhere decided was one size fits all.   I wish i could have know M.J... because I saw the good in him, I saw his ultimate goal, and that was to love others as much as he could and bring as many people happiness as possible, and give a few children something to smile about.

I'll come back to this.. it's a work in progress, obviously.  As my dear friend KS says, "We all are."

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