Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Crappy Ina Day

I'm feeling all ittery and jittery, and I guess it's time for a verbal spew.

Love of my life,
 I snuggled up to you tonight, and my love for you is so overwhelming. I want perfection for you.
Read that again, clearly. Perfection FOR you, not OF you, or FROM you. 
You are perfect, just as you are.
But me, so far from it.  And yet, I feel, I should be. For you, because you are so mind blowingly amazing, and you just get more so everyday.

Ina had a rotten day today.  Our lives are about to be thrown up in the air, and I have to hang on for the landing.. believing that we will all float back down to where we are supposed to be.  Normally, I don't think this would be too hard; but being sick, is sure making things a lot harder.  Auntie Kate said it perfectly, i can't seem to get out of the fight or flight mindset.
The postives of our new chapter are so incredible and amazing, it's what we wanted. But i worry too, about you, you are very attached to your home. Your sunka most of all, that is what makes me almost burst into tears. We will have to find a foster home for her while we are living this new adventure and I worry that it will break your heart. It tears at mine, we both love her so.  I never want you to have any hurt, pain, dissapointment.
Tonight, the stress of our situation got the better of me, and I curled into a metaphorical ball, you needed something, and I grumbled around about it. What a jerk I was. I am sorry. I need to get over myself and start realizing you're the baby in the situation.  Please forgive me. Again, I"m human. As I've said before, sometimes,  I'm a messy, jerky, selfish, human. But one that loves you more than stars in the sky, more than ten thousand tatanka's on a a ridge. Please don't ever forget that.
  I need to shake the crap out of my head and start seeing things clearer.

This is going to be great. We will all be together.. that is the most important of all.

1 comment:

Layla said...

Aww, sorry to hear you had a bad day! Feeling ill sucks indeed!!
Hope things get better soon!

Everyone wants perfection now and then, I think it's just not possible in this life. Maybe we can get perfect moments or ideas, then it's about finding ways to deal with imperfection gracefully.
(I'm a horrible perfectionist myself, so I sympathize!)

I think LOVE is loving each other despite (or because of) beautiful imperfection. And that goes for kiddies and parents and husbands, I think...

((Hugs and kisses)) over the ocean!