Wednesday, May 20, 2009

more news.

It's been awhile.
So much has happened. We have been/are dealing with cunksi being sick. It started after I got back from verm town on Tues. It actually started that night, she woke up in the middle of the night crying, we knew something was wrong. The next day, she was sneezing and had a runny nose. But then on and off for the next few days, she'd have a fever of anywhere of 99. to 100.7, we'd give tylenol, and it'd come down. She would want to play outside and do all her usual things, so I figured I'd just watch it, her and go from there. I didn't know what it was, maybe it was just teeth, maybe a small cold.
But yesterday, I had a feeling something wasn't right, she was really feeling puny and her fever was at 100.9. So I took her to the doctor. A med student came in, and asked the questions, asked if she had been pulling at her ears, I said no. He started the exam, checked her ears, and throat, and didnt' say anything. I asked him what he saw. He looked at me and said, cockily, "she has an ear infection, it's buldging and red." And got this look on his face that can only be described as self righteous. I felt like the worst mother in the world. He left and it was another 25 mins before the actual doctor came in, the doctor I know and trust. I must have been showing on my face how terrified I was, becasue she said, "don't worry, you didn't abuse her, these things just happen." I felt a bit of relief.. I was really feeling guilty that she had had an ear infection since last tues even, and I wasn't paying close enough attention to it/her. I really felt like shit. the worst mother in the world. So, for her to say that, really helped. a lot. I felt less like an abusive neglectful mother.

But it also made me feel better, becasue in what she said, I see that she knows what kind of mother I am, know how vigilant I am in every aspect that is turtle; so it really did help me feel better. The good news is, we started antibiotics, and she is soo much better. She slept well, has been napping well, and her fever is mostly gone. She is mostly back to her old self. Big relief. My two big fears are fever and ear infections. I have friends (quite a few) who have lost their hearing as a result of each of these things. (Hot belly, is one of said friends.)

In other news. We got cunksi a dog, that we had to pick up, from the people we bought her from. Tehy held the dog for us until the 15th,, because since we were supposed to be closed on the house and we figured we'd be in shortly thereafter. Well, we all know where that is. So, teh dog is here, in this tiny ass apartment, and even though said dog is tiny, she is still a puppy, and trying to care for a sick child, and even a well child, and a puppy, is difficult at best. She is cute, and sweet. She's a black schiperke, and even though we got her for cunksi, she seems to have adopted me as pack leader. So, wherever I go, so does she. Now I have one turtle child and one dog child. She travels well and for the most part is pretty calm. I love that she is soo calm around cunksi. that was big for me.

I really hope we get into the house soon. i need to get the garden in, and get our other animals going. Namely, chickens and guineas. And a goat or two.

As always, there is more to say, but I'm off now. later, MBB

Thursday, May 14, 2009

opening my mouth

I've been dangling a secret in front of you and now I'm ready to spill.

Tomorrow, we were supposed to close on a house we were buying. But, due to logistics, it has been moved to the end of the month.
It's very exciting, still.
There is also a back story... isn't there always?

Ok, so one day, waaay back long ago, ok maybe a few months, or two months ago... i went with a realtor to go look at a gorgeous little place with perfect property. It was a little house on ten acres with root cellers and a creek running through the property... I WANTED that house!!!!!
but the price was WAY TO MUCH!!! and the seller wasn't budging.

so the same day... i drove around, all mad and sad and dissapointed and was out in the country when I saw this other place for sale.. a ranch. I said to myself, if we can't afford 10 acres, how the hell are we gonna afford THAT place? Still, a voice told me to turn around and go look. So I did.

I loved it, called the number and the guy told me the price for it. it was well within our price range.

two months later, it is almost ours.
I have been nervous, and not wanting to say anything.... it has been hard!!

the place is GORGEOUS, the land is a horse property and all set up for animals and horses.. we get to raise cunksi in th country, I get to have my horses... it's so wonderful!!!

So, now we just have to wait for the inspector guy to come check out the foundation, then we will close.

I wil post pics later... promise.

the long term plan is this....we move into the house that is already there... a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath modular home; then, when we have the resources, we build our straw bale house and sell the modular. I want to sell it to the tribe, so it can go to someone on teh housing list up on teh rez. Taht would make me super happy, because we will be able to give back to our people. I'm very blessed, we, are very blessed. we live a blessed life. But I think a lot about how my relatives up on teh rez may never have a lot of what we have, and that is HARD to deal with. How do you justify your own "wealth" (not money per se...) when your elders and other relatives have it such otehi (hard)?

When i go to sleep at night, i think about two things.. am I being the best parent I can be, and what can we do to help those who have less than we do? (specifically meaning, my family and friends up on the rez).

I am fully aware of how blessed we are, in so many ways, and I thank Tunkasila for that daily. But I also feel a responsibility to my tiospaye to do what I can to help them, give back in whatever way I/we can. That is the Lakota way, you have two of something, you keep one and give the other to whoever needs it. Generosity, its' one of our cultural virtues, it's part of being a Lakota Winyan, and a member of the tribe. Just because the world has evoloved, it doesn't mean our virtues have to fall by the wayside.
ok, gotta run, turtle is up.. more later.
mbb