Monday, March 30, 2009


OK, as of this Wednesday, April 1, 2009, the new place for turtle love will: http;//

Change your link accordingly! And even though it is April Fool's day, I'm NOT fooling, haa haa!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Wow. The human pacifer (click on her link on the lower right) has posted this great video on this woman giving birth at home.. she's vocalizing so well, you can tell she is really using her voice to help with the contractions. I would like to have had a home birth, but they are illegal in SD. So, I went to the hospital like so many of us have to. However, I was well taken care of, and for the most part, mighigna and i were left alone to labor as we wished. I loved giving birth, i loved my birth experience, even though it was in a hospital setting. It was wondeful and joyous and exciting.
I will post about it on here, but not right now. Right now, I have other work to do while a wee turtle sleeps.

The loves of my life

They are so amazing.....I love them so!

Friday, March 27, 2009

New URL...coming SOON

I'm going to be changing the URL for this site, hopefully I will be able to just import everything and there won't be too many bumps or interruptions for my followers/readers. (This applies to my blogger site.) the new url will be:
So please change your links accordingly. I will try to email you to remind you, but if you click on it and it doesn't work, that is what happened. I will change the link on my roguelens account,so you can go over there and click on turtle love link and be at my new site.

This will be happening within the next week or so, more on this when i've played around with things.

if you have questions, leave me a comment, or email me. thanks!!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Turtle days

It's about 2:15 a.m. I got quite a bit of writing done, so I'm almost caught up on my class papers. yey!

Tonight, I put turtle to sleep telling her of the day she was born. I used to tell her that story every night, she loves hearing it. I love telling it.

Last night, I watched the season finale of The secret life of the American Teenager. (I'll explain why in a minute.) And her baby was born, and I got all teary eyed. It was such a powerful event, however fictional. But I couldn't help think about being in labor with turtle, and the awesome event of her birth. I remembered through my tears how two years previous, mihigna and i had been watching a movie in which a woman gave birth, and it made me cry. I looked over at him and he was crying too. That was our horrific year. The year we lost two babies, back to back. It was hard to watch that woman in that movie give birth when we were hurting so grandly. It moved me that he was crying, unashamed.
And two years later, I watch anyone give birth, and I cry. But this time, it's happy tears.

At the commercials for the show last night, I asked him questions about our labor and birth. I asked him what the best parts were, what the worst parts were and what the hardest parts were. I'll post those answers later.

I watched the above mentioned show because I wanted to see what angle they took on a 15 year old getting pregnant. Were they going to condone it, were they going to paint it as some easy peasy thing, or what?
I will keep my opinion on it to myself. But now that she has given birth, the real work begins.

It wasn't until I was pregnant again that I realized how truly devastated I'd been at our losses. I was completely out of my body and completely out of my mind. There is no better word than devastation. That is what it was. It made me do really stupid things, and behave really stupidly. I lost a best friend over it,(it wasn't all my fault, but I had my part in the dissolution of our friendship.) and it's a wonder I didn't lose my husband. It is such a comment on how amazing he is that he saw me through it all.
But, anyway, it's two years later, and we have this gorgeous turtle who keeps us in the moment every day of our lives. And we couldn't be more grateful. I spoke to one of my nephews the other day and we were talking about turtle. They have always shared a special bond, and he said. "Yep. you're dream came true." I didn't know what he was talking about so I asked him. he said. "You dream of having a child, and now you have turtle." SO right. The funny thing is, my dear friend EH came to see turtle at my house when she was days old; she looked at me from where she was sitting and said: "Well, your dream came true."

Geez, was it that obvious? Haa haa. But I know it was. Because when you are that drawn to having a child, you wear it like a strong perfume. People around you can't help but notice. It's palatable.
And even now, as hellish as it seemed back then, I wouldn't change the way she came to us. I know now, what I wish I would have realized then... I was meant to be a mother, I just needed to remember it wouldn't be on my timetable. When I held her in my arms for the first time, that was glaringly, lovingly, powerfully clear.

And that is one of the many lessons I've taken into motherhood with me.

Monday, March 23, 2009

....the rest of the story

I wrote that last blog, posted it and five minutes later cunksi woke up. I went in to here and noticed she was really hot again. I took her temp. 99. I waited a few minutes, took it again, 100.4 I started to get worried. I laid with her and nursed her, took it again. 101.3 All in a matter of 5 minutes. Now I was scared. I called mihigna into the bedroom. I took it again. 102.3 that was it. Now I was terrified.
We got her up, put her into the van and right into the ER.
By that time, it was 103.7. Scary scary scary. She was limp and just laid on me; her roasting hot body against mine,increasing my fear as the moments wore on.

They took a look in her ears, they were clear; so was her throat.
Then they took a swab of her nose, which wasn't easy because she was struggling and crying.
The swab was positive for the fu.

Our little turtle has the flu.
I was relieved. She didn't get some exotic baby disease or meningitis. It was the flu. The last 24 hours made perfect sense now.
See, other than her crying, and constant fever, she was not showing any signs of anything. Not an earache, or a sore throat, and certainly no telltale signs of the flu.

We sighed in relief.

The doctor that was on call is an ass, and he chastised me for not giving her the flu vacc, but whatever. She's my child, not his. When he pushes her out of his vagina, he can call the shots on the flu vaccine. (Hee hee, that was funny, and I wasn't even trying to be.)
We gave her some more Motrin, took her home and i felt a bit more relieved, baby had more energy. Mihigna worried that he brought the virus home with him from work.
I don't care where she got it, who the hell knows.

This is what I knew.

She has the flu.
She was going to be ok. She was still nursing fine, and eating junk food, (i.e: cheeseys and mint oreos.)
But, she didn't have it as bad as she could have. The flu that is going around, from what I'm hearing, is downright vicious. I'm thankful and counting my blessings that she has a kick ass immune system, thanks to being nursed, (and well, getting it from me) and that she eats, for the most part, really healthy well balanced foods.

It could have been a lot worse.

We got home from the ER, and she plopped down on the couch to have some asanpi, then she was up eating saltines and bouncing around the house. I took her temp. It was 97.
When we went to bed,(at 2 AM) she was crawling all over us and doing her usual nightly head dives over Ina.
It's 2p.m. She hasn't had a fever all day.

She's back to herself and she's going to be fine.

Sunday, March 22, 2009


This last week has been utter hell.
I don't even want to talk about it right now,I need some time to get over being pissed off.

Then, maybe.

But I will talk about the best parts.

The weather has rocked. I was able to practice patience and letting stuff go that was out of my control... and just be in the moment. This was definitely helped by turtle and the beautiful weather!!

We have been outside playing all week, and having the most fun! Yesterday, mihigna and turtle and I went hiking out to the falls, and I got to take pics. It was wonderful and good therapy for me. Then we played out in the yard and took a few naps. In the evening, we went to look at a house out in the country, which we won't be buying, due to its ridiculous price tag and that fact that it is only a shell. The house isn't even DONE.

But anyway. The art club has a landscape show coming up that I'm going to try and be in, if all falls into place and time can be my friend this week. Landscapes are my specialty, so it shouldn't be too hard!

Turtle got sick last night, about midnight. She got a horrible fever and has been running one for most of today... I hate fevers, they scare the hell out of me... so many bad things could happen with fevers. Or else I've just read too many old time stories. But it is down now, so that is some relief. That and she finally seems to be resting well. It's so uncika when she is sick.. she is always going 10000 miles an hour, so to see her so limp and lifeless is hard to deal with. Mihigna and I walked her around and around the house most of the night... if it hadn't been so stressful, I'd have taken a picture of them together. When he was walking her, she looked so small in his arms... so tiny. You could tell that even though she felt like crap, being in her At'e's arms, helped. Then she fell asleep on his shoulder... so sweet. He is such an amazing At'e. So perfect. So loving, patient, fun, silly and cute. We are too very lucky winyans to have him in our lives.

It was horrible, because all she could do was cry, and cry. Poor baby, it was heart wrenching for us. There is NOT MUCH worse than feeling helpless when it comes to your child. We'd do ANYTHING for her...

Today is Mihigna's birthday.. and we spent it taking care of Cunksi. So he will definetely have to have a do-over. Poor guy. For the last couple years, (save last year) something horrific has happened on his birthday. In 2006, we lost our second baby on his birthday.. God that was horrible. So he need a BUNCH of birthday do overs!!!!

Ok, I gotta go close windows and check on cunksi...and make some plans.

Friday, March 20, 2009


I'm back. sorry for being gone so long.. thngs have been incredibly stressful and mostly because my computer broke, and then the guy who fixed it, ran off somewhere without giving it back!!!! But, i got it back now, though, he still has my mouse, so I'm using Mihigna's computer to type this.

The good new is this...I've ordered a new computer and will be getting it Tuesday. It's the same kind as my old one, just newer, with more memory and more perks!! Whoo hoo! This one has a built in web cam, so huzzah!!! I never really used one but when I do collaborations with other artists, we sometimes need to do that, so yey!

The last few days have been gorgeous,so turtle and I have lived outside!! We're LOVING it!!! Today I went and got her a slide play set and a sand box, so she is stoked!!! Right now though, she is sleeping!!! And since I dont' have my mouse back, I can't work on the project, so I figured i'd at least catch you all up here.

I am working on this major project that is due on the 31st. So, the sooner I get my mouse back, the better. And the sooner I get the project done, the better. You can believe I will NEVER do this AGAIN!!! The next time they want someone to do a book project, or any kind of project, they can sucker some other poor sap, because I'm OUT!!!!
Off to play some more,

Monday, March 16, 2009

oh no!!!

this day was really good, but this evening has sucked.

most importantly, my computer is broken, and i have a major project due. My keys work, but my space bar is messed up and wont' work at all. I'm typing this on mihigna's computer. I am practically strapped without the use of my computer, terrible I know. I hope it can be fixed and i don't lose the whole thing.....

Friday, March 13, 2009

Attention Readers....

I'm feeling a bit out of sorts, so I'm going to ask you all a weird question, and just bare with me.
If you read me, please email me or send me a comment, (they will be only seen by me and not posted)and let me know if you only read me here, or if you too are on facebook. If so, I may transport you all to facebook and post from there. I've just been getting some reports that have me a bit jumpy; so email me, tell me where you are, on that.
I will be back later with a much better post.
for now, thanks and I appreciate you all.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

My day...

Even though today was still too cold to play outside, turtle and I managed to have a lot of fun! We didn't do anything big and exciting, but we did household stuff. Dishes, vacuuming, laundry is all very exciting to a baby. Then we played down in the romper room and she gave me a laugh when she lay down beside me and did sit ups with me.
I left this for a few hours this evening for me time, and got a lot of work on my manuscript done, so I was very happy. Then I came back to my snuggly little turtle, who is always so happy to see me. So we did more house stuff, then took a bath and had some more snuggles, before she went off to sleep.

I really don't have much interesting to say right now.. I'm rather boring at this moment... I guess I will go satiate my NYC housewives addiction. Yah, this is what it has come to.. ehh, will this winter EVER end????????

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


So, I know i'm a bit behind the times, not being a watcher of news, but I just discovered via cbs news that Dora is going to get a new look. They only showed her in silhouette, but you could see longer hair and a short skirt.

I allow cunksi to watch Dora because she is one of the few, (read two) minority charachters on t.v; she teaches things rather than fills the mind with fluff, and my daughter LOVES her.
But, if she ends up looking trashy-ala-bratz dolls, you can forget me letting cunksi watch her. I find it a bit disturbing that they have to show the new phototype in shadow... makes one suspicious, doesn't it?
I have to go put cunksi down for abu, but more on this later... you can count on it.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


I'm here.

a lot has gone on; I'm being quiet, but I'm marinating.

When the time is right...I'll know.