Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Effing bad day

Ok, my day officially SUCKS!!!

I have been feeling pretty good that turtle is now at the stage where I can take her with me to the basement to do laundry, she loves to be down there and help with the laundry. So, for the past week or so, that is what we have been doing, Ive loved being able to finally get some laundry done... rather than waiting on mihigna, and the basement being a pigsty.
Well, that all came miserably crashing down this afternoon. I went down, changed the washer load into the dryer, picked turtle up, carried her on my hip up the stairs, and when I got to top, I got wobbly, so I leaned to the left to stable myself. In the process, I hit her head on the door jam.

EFFFINNG AAAAAAAA!!!!

I FEEL SOOOOOOO BAD.

Needless to say, she cried!!!!! I feel like the horrible mother. I was pissed that it happened, I was pissed that the mother fucker who put this damn house together would put the washer/dryer in the basement and then rent it family with a small child. I know, all these arguments are not totally grounded in reality... but I'm just bitching here.
I hate it when turtle gets hurt... it pisses me off, I feel so bad, like I'm not doing a good enough job, like if I look away or focus on something other than her for even one second.. she gets hurt.

I feel like shit.
She by the way, is fine now. After I made sure there was no blood, or bruising, or any other vital emergency, a boob in her mouth made it all better. (As it always does.)
But I, still feel like shit.

And I'm still pissed. It may be useless, but I'm still pissed.

Somewhere in the process, I cut my fingers. right on the knuckles, where it will continue to hurt, every time I bend them. Oh fun.

Then, I ruined the noodles I was cooking for dinner. I let them cook too long, they turned to mush.

I need to breathe deeply and let it all go.

What I really want, is someone to come in and do my laundry and cook my dinners.

I'm not a prissy -bon-bon-give-me-my-servants-while-I-sit-on-my-ass wife at all.... I'm just feeling extremely incapable today.

I applaud those wife/mothers who can focus on their children and yet still get dinner on the table, and have a organized house.

Because I'm sure as hell failing at the latter part.

I need: a hug, a long tight one.

A bath, a long..lllloooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnngggggg hot one, with candles and darkness.

A dinner where I get to feed myself with no time restraints or tending to someone else and then having to eat mine cold.

A long walk outside.

2 comments:

joanne said...

big warm hug :)

it feels really good to vent sometimes, doesn't it?

amazing how we can beat on ourselves so hard for days like these...instead of offering ourselves the same kind and gentle words we would offer others in the same situation the voice rattling around in our head turns us into the worst possible human being.

so, here is another hug...this too shall pass my grandmother would have said...after all...tomorrow is another day (borrowed from scarlett o'hara).

a long hot bath, some candles, a good book, and some sort of wickedly delicious concoction for you :)

Hot Belly Mama - taking it all back said...

those mothers you talk about that have it "all together" only seem that way on the surface. Everyone has their breakdown days and hidden messes.

Hope tomorrow is a better day!