Friday, December 26, 2008

Post Christmas post

We had a wonderful Christmas! Turtle had so much fun, and amused all of us to no end!!

Mihigna has been home, so that has been WONDERFUL!!!!
And after our guests left, we all just lazed around and took nice long naps and spent some quality family time together.

I was laying in bed last night thinking about how different our lives are now, how much better they are, how complete. Last year, turtle was so new, being a mom was so new, i was still in a daze. I loved it, but I was dazed. She was so little too, I look at her now, and it's a bit sad... she's growing into this beautiful little girl. ohhhhh. and yey!!!

Anyway, she got lots of nice presents from all her adoring fans, (us included). So, she has a lot to play with. Today we spent the day playing outside in the snow, playing chase around the house, taking a few naps, with a few games of soccer thrown in.
I downloaded all the xmas pics, all 265 of them, along with many videos we took. There were some really cute ones in there. I'll post some of them.

My brain is a bit mushy.. not much thinking going on.... i may have to come back when I know what I really want to say.

Here is a smallish note to a certain person..."Annom". So, to you I say... you're fabu, it was lovely to talk to you and thanks for saying hi!!!!

more later, when i'm not so blah blah blah.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

oh oh ho!!!

The first christmas that mihigna and I spent together, we went out and bought all these decorations.. I LOVE christmas. ONe of the things we bought was a wreath made of grapevines, and it had a snow man and a little saying. WE got it home, decorated the house and enjoyed our first christmas together.
One day I happened to be staring at the wreath and noticed it said: OH OH HO.
WE laughed our butts off, and it is now our little xmas joke.
Sadly, two moves ago, all our xmas decorations didn't move with us. Oops.
They were the decorations we have had since the start of our realtionship. Now we will just have to tell turtle the story. I can just hear her saying...

"So, Ina, no more Oh oh ho?"

Ha haa! Speaking of which, she CAN say, ho ho ho. She's soo cute!!!
We are gearing up for the festivities here.
Again, like I said last year, I don't need a single thing. I got my turtle, that is all I could ever need. Who's to say in twenty five years, or when I'm on my deathbed, the material gifts I've been given over the years will even matter. All that matters is that I have a beautiful family who I'm madly in love with!

I hope you all have beautiful holidays with your loved ones!

I wish you health, and happiness, joy, growth and peace for your new year. May your troubles not be soo intense they seem insurmountable.

Be well, be loved and love others.

Happy Holidays! Happy solstice (late) Merry Christmas and Happy new year!!!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Frosty window panes....




Oh gorgeous!!
I took more photos of the window pane this morning..and it is so beautiful. I could probably do all my december views just on the frost everyday. And with these frigid temps, I may just have to do that!
I'm going to keep doing views into January. It will keep me taking pics everyday! Which is good.
I hope you enjoy!

Friday, December 19, 2008

december view

I posted my decemeber view over at my photo blog.
It's a big file, so I don't want to duplicate...sorry. But go over there and see it.. roguelens..link on side bar.

hope you all are warm! be well, m

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Winter


An old pic appropriate to this weather we've been having!
This was in one of our secret canyons in Rosebud..oh how I love my home!
And how I can't wait for turtle to get old enough, that she too can go out hiking, even in the cold weather.
She's much too young right now... I worry about her little turtle self getting too cold for long jaunts; as the ones to the canyon would take.

December View of Sept 05'



This is an old pic from my time at the artists refuge in MT.
I love MT. I could live there, if it weren't so expensive to buy land.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Better.

I am doing much better.
I made dinner, and we all sat down and had it together and I was better.
I shot a video of her tonight, that I will try and post on here, she is so amazing. There just are not even enough words for her.
She just blows us away every day, she's that wonderful.
We are so blessed!
I'm going to go dink around with the video.

Thanks for your kind words and love. I muchly appreciate it!

Effing bad day

Ok, my day officially SUCKS!!!

I have been feeling pretty good that turtle is now at the stage where I can take her with me to the basement to do laundry, she loves to be down there and help with the laundry. So, for the past week or so, that is what we have been doing, Ive loved being able to finally get some laundry done... rather than waiting on mihigna, and the basement being a pigsty.
Well, that all came miserably crashing down this afternoon. I went down, changed the washer load into the dryer, picked turtle up, carried her on my hip up the stairs, and when I got to top, I got wobbly, so I leaned to the left to stable myself. In the process, I hit her head on the door jam.

EFFFINNG AAAAAAAA!!!!

I FEEL SOOOOOOO BAD.

Needless to say, she cried!!!!! I feel like the horrible mother. I was pissed that it happened, I was pissed that the mother fucker who put this damn house together would put the washer/dryer in the basement and then rent it family with a small child. I know, all these arguments are not totally grounded in reality... but I'm just bitching here.
I hate it when turtle gets hurt... it pisses me off, I feel so bad, like I'm not doing a good enough job, like if I look away or focus on something other than her for even one second.. she gets hurt.

I feel like shit.
She by the way, is fine now. After I made sure there was no blood, or bruising, or any other vital emergency, a boob in her mouth made it all better. (As it always does.)
But I, still feel like shit.

And I'm still pissed. It may be useless, but I'm still pissed.

Somewhere in the process, I cut my fingers. right on the knuckles, where it will continue to hurt, every time I bend them. Oh fun.

Then, I ruined the noodles I was cooking for dinner. I let them cook too long, they turned to mush.

I need to breathe deeply and let it all go.

What I really want, is someone to come in and do my laundry and cook my dinners.

I'm not a prissy -bon-bon-give-me-my-servants-while-I-sit-on-my-ass wife at all.... I'm just feeling extremely incapable today.

I applaud those wife/mothers who can focus on their children and yet still get dinner on the table, and have a organized house.

Because I'm sure as hell failing at the latter part.

I need: a hug, a long tight one.

A bath, a long..lllloooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnngggggg hot one, with candles and darkness.

A dinner where I get to feed myself with no time restraints or tending to someone else and then having to eat mine cold.

A long walk outside.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Better

It was the dry air!! I made sure I put the humidifier on when we went to bed last night, and i woke up feeling much better!!!
The sun is shining too, that helps, even it if is only 12*. Hey, it's better than the -12 it was yesterday!

More later, need to go tend to Cunksi.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Dry winter air

I went to bed last night with a headache, and I still have one. I woke up and took some ibuprofen, just because it was so bad. I usually don't take those kinds of things. My nose is all ooogey, I'm not sure why. It sort of feels like when I have a cold, but I don't. And Hopefully I'm not getting one.

The weather is FREEZING...-14 here. So, turtle and I will be staying inside for the next few days. Hopefully I can get some housework done and some projects started.

I hope this whatever it is, goes away. I think it is because the air in the house is so dry..forced air heat. But I hope turtle doesn't feel like this, it is very uncomfortable.

December view




We got slightly tapped by a "storm" this weekend. The stroller got blown across the yard, and the snow got trapped in the door.
It provided some cool images though.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Setence and TAGGED

M over at secret notebooks, wild pages, has started this great new activity that we will be participating in.

The instructions are:

Grab the nearest book.
Turn to page 56.
Find the fifth sentence. Write it down.
Write down the next two to five sentences.

Post it on your blog...then go tag five others.

So here is mine:

Not even hound to scold.
We wait because at least we wait among what's left of us, our beads and thimbles.
Quilts. Our widow's weeds.

Out there beyond the last ridge, what waits?

This is taken from the poem: Shelton Laurel Diary: by Kathryn Stripling Byer which is from the Anthology: Birthed From Scorched Hearts, edited by Marijo Moore.

OK! Now, I'm tagging:

Breathe as Me

Red or Grey

Kim Wentz

What possessed me

And in an effort to get Rowena back to the blog world....
wonderlanding

Have fun! I can't wait to read them!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Poem




Perfection Personified
Mary Black Bonnet

(For Cunksi)

I sit here typing,
half longing to be next to you.
Breathe you in,
feel you smash tight against me.
Sometimes you curl into a ball,
as if you are trying to get back inside.
I wrap my arms around you; remembering.
I loved having you in my belly,
and I'd do it again in an instant.
But it's even greater having you here,
where I can caress you, kiss you, hold you.
I look at you now,
so big and strong.
Charging through the world,
knowing it's yours.
As you should.

As all children should.

Childhood should be
the world for your taking.

So go, my active turtle,
Charge through life.
Be. Breathe. Laugh. Eminate.
You are perfection personified.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Motor mouth and December view




I had never eaten a pomegranate before.. they are delish!
I took these, because they strike me as very female, they seem very much about fertility, seeding, uterine-ly fleshy.

my December View




Tuesday, December 9, 2008

New Poem

The Dark Side of December
Mary Black Bonnet


A huge chasm flows
for Lakota between Christmas and the New Year.
The date burned into our hearts, our minds, our memories;
even if we weren't there.

December 29, 1890.

When the snow was stained
with the blood of the helpless.

If you're quiet, you can hear the screams of terror,
the terrified cries of innocent babies, the trampling feet.
The horrific deafening Gun shots;
the thud of bodies.
The bitter snow underneath, as souls left bodies;
only to be bound to earth.

If you're not sickend,
you're not paying attention.

Celebrate your holidays,
ring in your new year.
But send a prayer, a song,
a whisper up, for lives lost.
Heinously, wrongly,
and forever.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Heading Out

Tonight, I grew very restless. The snow was falling and I longed to be out in it, taking pictures, listening to it hit the ground.
I longed to don snow boots and pants and my nice warm coat..and meander in the evening, watching the town fill up with snow. (How could anyone with a literary bone in their body see snow falling and not be taken back immediately to Frost's poem?)
Then come back in and crawl into a steaming bath. Drink Tea and read a fabulous book.

But my responsibilities kept me house bound.

I read December's post.. and I think i will join the challenge. I feel the need to be still for a bit.. maybe my head will clear, my muscles will un-knot themselves.
We'll see. For now, I want to be still, to sit in the dark and watch the snow fall.
I will post here.. maybe, but definitely at my photo site..www.roguelens.blogspot.com.
Join me/us.
It's snowing...it's winter...and it's beautiful.

-Rogue

Catching Snow



I put turtle down and came out to the kitchen to see that it had started snowing.
I LOVE SNOW!!
So I grabbed my camera and stood in the doorway, (in my shorts and bare feet) to try and capture some falling flakes. It didn't work very well, but this is what I got.
Maybe I will go out later and try to get some better pics.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Christmas gathering

Ok.
well, we did our extended family Xmas today, because mihigna's parents will be out of town for Xmas. It was so fun, and so wonderful. We took our family picture, and ate some delicious food! We were all stuffed, but we wanted to keep eating!!!
Turtle got some amazing gifts from her Unci and La and some great clothes from Santa!
The weather was beautiful, about 40* and so mihigna, Turtle, Tojan and I all headed out back to do some tobogganing. Turtle LOVED it! There is a giant snow drift still hanging around from that storm a few weeks ago, so we slid down it. Turtle's first sledding,and she just loved it! Unci took lots of pics, I wanted to, but I was to busy playing with turtle to do so!

Then Unci found an old promo tape of Mihigna's band, seventh generation, so we all watched that. Man, that was awesome! He had the most beautiful long hair! It was great to see the tape, and turtle got to see her Ate waaay back when.
It was a fabulous day, and now turtle is sleeping.
Life is so incredibly wonderful!

stay tuned

I have much to say.. but even more to do here, so I just want to drop in to say, i will finish my work then post on here.
stay tuned...

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Update

I know I keep getting on here, then off. But I'm restless tonight.
I'll update you.
Remember when I talked about our land search and move and such?
Well, the land situation has been taken care of. We will soon be the owners of three acres of which to call our own. We WILL be building a straw bale house on it, and that is where we will be raising Turtle. And having a garden. And rising Chickens,(for eggs, and for eating.)Turtle will be able to have her sunka's!
I'm excited!
We were hoping to get into it by next fall, but we have decided to go with a two year plan.. that way if we end up having to do all the work ourselves with only friends coming out to help during the summer, we won't be all stressed out AND homeless.
The less stress, the better.
I'm just so excited to be able to have a place to call our own.. and stop dangling in the air anymore. That is such a relief. We've been doing that for a year now...and it was getting old.

CRAP...now it is 0 degrees!!!!!

And I've run out of things to say.....
so I'm off to wander again.. I've got the worst case of insomnia lately.
It's from being cooped up.
Send me messages dear friends.. show me beautiful pictures! Play outside for me, take a stroll for me. Share your world with me....

HOLY HELL

it's ONE degrees here.
Glad I'm in my nice cozy abode.
brrr.

blah blah blah

Finally, a bit of time to myself. I need some breathing room.

I long to go take some picutures, I see everyone else's and I'm a bit jealous.
Time will come. It's about 3 degrees here, and has been bitterly cold out the past few days. Too cold for a little turtle to be out. She's going a bit stir crazy over it to though; so hopefully it will warm a bit; enough for us to get out.
I'm excited about Christmas. I love the holidays. I love that we have snow.
I had other things I was going to post on here, but they are deep, and heavy, and sad. I don't want to drag myself down right now.. even though to unload would be good.
I have some great news though.. I found a very dear old friend. We lost each other when I headed to SD, and she down south. Ten years have gone by.. but our friendship hasn't changed.
She's so great, we can laugh for hours.

I'll be back.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

What's right (for me) isn't always popular

Cunksi has had a fever for almost two days... her first and it was Very stressful on me. She isn't sick, but she is teething and it made her temp skyrocket.
She is better now, but man, that was hard on me.
I've started numerous posts the last two days, and they are sitting in the "draft" pile.
I mostly want to say, stand up for your children, your babies. Childhood is so much about powerlessness.

I'm/we're not your typical parents. I'm glad of that. We don't FORCE Cunksi to do something she doesn't want to. If something needs to be done, I take the time to discuss it with her and let her come to it in her time.
We ended up taking her to the hospital about 12:30 Sunday night, because I was concerned about her fever; they wanted to do a CBC, even though they felt nothing was wrong with her more that teething. I agreed to it, but then they pinned her down and put the needle in her arm, even though she couldn't find the vein. Cunksi was growing more and more stressed out, so we let the nurse lady try once more and when she STILL couldn't find the vein, we made her pull the needle out, and let her up. I held her in my arms and nursed her so she would calm down. She did. And fell asleep. Mostly out of exhaustion from the stress. The nurses and PA, were mad at us because we wouldn't let her draw blood. We didn't care. I didn't want Cunksi stressed out any longer than needed, or let that nurse or phlebotomist, poke around in her skin for unknown amounts of time. I know most adults wouldn't stand for that; why would a baby?
Many people give us shit about how we are raising our daughter, they want to know WHY I'm still nursing her, (she's only 15 mos old!)Why I'm going to homeschool her, why I let her decide things, etc. I don't care what they say, I don't care if they don't like the way we're doing things. My response to them is this... when they've pushed her out their vagina, then they can have a say in how I/we raise her, until then, they don't get a vote. That is just how it is.
In the meantime, it is my job as her mother to protect her, keep her safe and teach her to realize and embrace her own sacredness and power.

I love the fact that at six months old, cunksi was aware she was a person. (She was aware of that even earlier.) SHE knew she had a say in what would or wouldn't happen to her. She had a say in who would hold her, or be in her space. By eighty months, she could say no, and know it would be respected.
I love this, I love how she knows she had boundaries, can set them and they will be respected.
I see her grow and flourish every day, she is such a loving, kind, lively spirit.
That is all the proof I need to know, that I'm doing it right.