Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Ina maza skan skan

It's about 9 p.m. Turtle sleeps in my lap, her long eyelashes wet from tears she shed earlier. Tonight is my "Ina" night. so, I usually head out for about two hours for some "me" time. This is what keeps me sane, this is what gives me some space to breathe while I know she is home wiht her At'e, happy and having fun. But tonight, she didn't have fun... she's having seperation anxiety and will not let me out of her sight, much less out of her touch. Literally, she has her hand on me or in mine all day. I love this, I'm glad I can make her feel safe. But, still a Ina needs some Ina time, so I left her in the capable hands of her At'e. When i came back, she was snotty nosed and red faced from crying. Of course, momma bear kicked in, wanting to know how long she'd been crying.. he said fifteen minutes, and I demanded to know why he hadn't called me to tell me to come home. He said snottily: "You needed your time." which imediatly pissed me of, cuz dammit DON'T EVER hint that my alone time trumps my daughter needing me... I was MAD.
It was all emotion and nerves, and I felt better once I had her calm, nursing, close and asleep. Some guilt tried to rear it's ugly head... but fuck that. I didn't do anyting wrong.. and if I blow off the Me time, I will blow my top.
I'm learning.
He came in a bit ago and apologized for being snappy. I told him that what upset me was knowing she was in distress. He explained to me that it wasn't a solid fifteen minutes she was crying and that she had fallen down, which upset her, (she wasn't hurt) and he had just gotten her calmed down when i walked in the door and she melted down again. I know this does happen. Being seperated from teh main caregiver does make babies melt down once they are reunited... so I felt better.
Somtimes it is hard to know all that I know abut child development. Too much knowledge CAN be a dangerous thing. Becaue when I see that turtle has been crying.. I need to know how long, what precipitated it, and so on. I know what happens to a baby when they cry, so that is always why I need to know HOW long was she crying, what caused it, etc.
But, she is good now, calm, alseep.
I've started wearing the sling again.. because she needs to be in such close contact wiht me. I love that thing. I had to buy a bigger size, but it still works, and I love that she knows what it is, and she will request to be in it. Slings are wonderful things, and such a neccesity for attachment parenting. I have some stories to post on here, but I will cme back in a bit and do that.. I need to tend to somethign else, but I will be back in a bit.
if you notice that sme of my O's are missing.. it is because my O on my keyboard is being wierd, sometimes working, sometimes not.
back soon.

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