Monday, May 19, 2008

holy hell

I'm writing this as Cunksi sleeps, her wonderous little body deep in dreams after a big day of sun and fun and exploring her world. I love her so much, I barely have words sometimes.
We got new furniture today, what mihigna and I call our "grown up" furniture. A REAL couch and REAL recliner. Cunksi thinks they are pretty cool. I heard Mihigna telling her this evening.."Before you came cunksi, Ina and I lived like bohemians. But now you're here, so we have real furniture."
I laughed, because it's true. I was such a bohemian, waiting anxiously until my next chance to travel or go adventuring. But now, not so much. I"m settled. I can just sit and be. I think Cunksi has everything to do with that. She makes me so happy. I love her so.
Tonight, she was crawling around on my legs and lost her balance, and did a face plant. OMG!!!!!!!
I freaked out...( bad me, I know) but holy crap, the force with which she hit, I couldn't help it. I scopped her up, and held her close, trying to comfort her and yet crying myself. But my saying omg, and scooping her up so fast and then crying... it scared her more. It was horrible, horrible I tell you.... it made me SICK to my stomach. So I had to get it together and stop crying and then she settled down. but holy shit... my stomach hurt so bad for awhile. She is getting mobile, and i know she will have falls but holy hell. I barely made it through my nephews learning to walk, how the hell am i gonna make through my daughters?????
I know I can't scoop in and save her from every fall, but GD! I wish I could!!! I know this is just another reminder that I can't protect her from everything and that it is part of her development and exploring the world... but holy hell.... how do any of us parents make it through this. She was fine, not hurt, just scared. It was worse on me, hello, welcome to parenthood. ...........


holy holy hell. that is all i can say.

the furniture rocks though!!

1 comment:

Professor said...

Great post... sometimes being a mommy is all anyone needs!